So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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