Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize