I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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