Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
