Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
