Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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