Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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