Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
