honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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