Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
