just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
