It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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