fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize