Nicole vs. Life
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
