he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
