I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We left the knife in your bed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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