I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
