i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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