Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
