1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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