you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize