Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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