I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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