i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize