I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it because I queefed?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
