3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
