before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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