Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
