I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
