I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
