We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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