Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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