So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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