You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
