Sponge bath it is.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
