party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
