if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize