Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
