Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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