New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
ok first of all what the fuck
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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