I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
