Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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