I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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