No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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