If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize