those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am naked and annoyed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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