I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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