I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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