I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
