Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
