so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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