Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
