theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
