Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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