I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
