Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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