he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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