im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
