my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
