the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
