Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My penis needs a shock collar
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
