i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
