I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
