I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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