I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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