how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
