I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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