i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
