ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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