I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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