Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
