I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
